I WILL WATCH YOU FROM ABOVE LIKE A GUARDIAN ANGEL
Mar 23, 2022
Go about your daily routine. Pretend like I'm not even there. I will be the JUDGE, JURY, AND EXECUTIONER of those who commit sins against you. Please provide me a perching location (skylight preferred) and AMPLE BIRD FEED.
MY CREED
- I will watch you intently at ALL TIMES, day and night.
- I will never make a PEEP.
- I AM A MARRIED MAN. Do not get any ideas.
- I will never use binoculars, they are unnecessary because of my SUPERHUMAN VISION
- I will not intervene on a MURDER.*
- If you leave your house, I CANNOT GUARANTEE your safety.
- I will NEVER SCURRY from my perch.
TO BOOK
RESPOND TO THIS AD WITH HOME ADDRESS AND DANGER CONCERN (EX: PESKY STEPSON). REQUIRES NON-REFUNDABLE 50OZ BIRDSEED DOWNPAYMENT.