Michael Jackson: “I’m having SO MUCH fun in heaven. DO NOT TEST ME.”
By Michaels Jackson
Instructions: Listen to this song while you read or else.
Mama say, mama sa, mama cousa! What’s up bitch, it’s ME, MICHAELS JACKSON (AKA Magic Mobius). I live in HEAVEN now. Jealous??? I know what you’re thinking, “Booohooo, Michael Jackston lives in heaven now, I bet he is all melted like hot candlewax.” Fuck you. Do I look like a grilled cheese to you? I’m having SO MUCH FUN in heaven. I’m not melted AT ALL. My body is TIGHT. I’m having the time of my LIFE. I don’t pay rent, and I am SO FAMOUS.
Yes, I did get reincarnated as a bumble bee in Hungary in 2009. I’m NOT gonna talk about it, it’s behind me. No, I do not recommend it. Hungary, that is. It’s a really nice place, just not nice for a bee. It was so boring. Heaven is WAY better. Stop bringing it up. That literally happened SO LONG AGO.
SERIOUSLY, how many outlandish accusations do I have to squash? What is it this time?? I’m rotten? You think I’m rotten? Ummm, okaaaaay? Not even CLOSE, pal. I’m not rotten at ALL. I got preserved like Walt Disney’s penis. LOOK IT UP. I’m fit as a fiddle. I have all my organs besides my skin. Would a rotten guy even be able to write this well? I HIGHLY doubt it. Heehee!
Ok ok. ENOUGH TINKER TALK. We got off on the wrong foot. Let’s do a fun challenge: try to guess the thing I miss most about Earth. Hmmmm, Barbeques? My family? “Having skin?” No shut the fuck up you’ll never get it. It’s the trains. I’m DEAD SERIOUS (pun not intended lol). I’m talking ‘bout those steamy fuckers with no soul that go CHEEEEE CHOOOOO and tell me secrets about the Mobius void.
The trains here SUCK. All they do is chew on skin and go “SSSSHHHHHHH”. They are SO MEAN to me. They SSHHHHHHH me all day. I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I miss Earth trains. All of em. Trains big. Trains small. Trains so fat and trains so tall. I wish I could kiss them all, trains are Michael’s alcohol. (That was a peek preview of a new single I’m working on with Edward Sheeran, who is pre-dead). Atcha-oooh!
Ooh! Michaeljackton! All this songwriting has made me parched. I’M PARCHED. I am so thirsty. I think THIS thirsty little Gemini needs a water break. Will you bring me some water? My throat is on fire. Did you bring me my drink? SYKE! I’m just jibblin’ around, I don’t have an esophagus. we can have a little chit chat fun can’t we? I’m in such a silly mood right now. Heehee!
Here’s something REALLY fun. My new favorite activity is to moonwalk over the necrotic fence and possess my wax statue at the wax museum. Then when a person looks at the eyes, I trap them in the Mobius void so they experience 1,000,000 years of excruciating loneliness in the span of one second. I’m such a goofball! Shamooone.
One more cool bonus of heaven is I’m allowed to look and kill at the men on earth, because I’m at the same status as a god. For example, I could make you EXPLODE. I could make your veins explode. DO NOT TEST ME. I will make you explode and it will be SO BORING.
You are so small. I’m looking at the tip of your little head right now and it makes me SICK. I’m worried SICK.
- Michaels jackson out!
