Movie Review — NOTHING, By Adam Sandler
Dears reader,
Its me, Ted Klipner, “manager” of lenegdary actress adams sandler. Why im writing this letter? Oh nothing just wanted to admit that i love eating big piles of poop and i am a huge dispointment to my parents.
GOTCHA, actual writer is ME, adams sandler: #1 of acting and even better than #1 of hotness out of all boys in the world. Had you fooled didnt i? If you didn’t already know, my “manager” name of Ted kipner is a dink, and not to be crass, but i wish he would get murdered right away.
Ok, now were talking. This is exulsive picture of ME, sandy boy in all my glory. Need a map? Because you will get lost in my eyes. You’re probably asking yourself two questions: first of questions: look at that handsome son of a bitch!” And next you probably asked “where did you find a horse with long long arm and blue poncho?” trust me i was thinking the same thing, but turns out its actually a real woman, name of wife. she is always trying to steal my spotlight. Look at this, she is trying to pitpocket me and steal my pocket pennies even during the darn picture!
Even so, i love that woman to bits. But i tell her every day: “youre like a little leech, i wanna barf just lookin at ya”, and i make some leech noises with my lips to show her who she is. One day my plan is to put her in the trunk for reason of “road trip” then strand her sorry ass in anartica.
Anyway, I am not in any new movies this christmas season so this is a courtesy WARNING to you: do NOT go to the movies this season because they are gonna be JUNK. last year when i learned they made movies without adam sandler in em, i went to a very bad place (lets just say I was barfing for weeks).
Heres the golden rule of life: if a movie got adam sandler, its gonna be a hit. Otherwise, its gonna be a bunch of junk, skip it. I never have, and never will watch a movie without adam sanlder in it, and thats that.
If your wondering my opinion on the new disease they invented, i think they shoulda never invented it — its a bunch of BS. how are people supposed to go watch my movies if theyre at home sneezing till the cows come home??
If i invented a disease, it would be called “Sandleritis”. You get LOTS of dihharea and the only cure is to watch a hundred adam saldner movies. Bonus of that is all the dipstick losers who dont watch my movies would never get cured.
Peace out, Adams “B-money” Sandlner, movie star
