SPECIAL OFFER: NIGHTTIME SAXOPHONE DISCIPLINE

I WILL EMOTIONALLY WHIP YOUR LOVED ONES USING MY MINIMAL SELF-TAUGHT SAXOPHONE SKILLS

PERFECT FOR:

Disobedient children — Does your child not play by “papa’s rules”? Do youhear them chanting Neil De Grass Tyson tweets late into the night? Motivate your child with the looming threat of a mediocre 3 hour bedtime jazz performance of my original song “dancing roach”.

Unproductive employees — Do your employees slack off all day? Do they cuss you out at the water cooler and throw mugs at your shiny bald head? INSTANTLY boost workplace productivity with the threat of me showing up at their house at midnight to lay down one of my ear-melting saxophone solos.

Elders — Do your senile parents burden you daily? Do they constantly whine about getting “help up the stairs” or “access to fresh water”? Tame your freeloader inlaws with the impending dark omen of my substandard sunset saxophone serenades.

Rates Vary, CALL NOW.